I've spent that last 3 days working all day with this dude called Dave. Now Dave is, what we call in the industry a ex/current junky. He shows all the signs of a junky, calls his girlfriend all day checking if she is cheating, which either ends up in a "FUCK YOU SLUT" or " LOVE YOU BABY…….MWAHHHH……OKAY LOVE YOU…..YEAH SEE YOU SOON……. KISSES……..MWAHHH……BYE…..YEAH YOU TOO SNOOKY", this trait is also prevalent in his day to day personality, he is either highly concerned with current issues, always sighting his un informed opinion with such passion it's almost believable or with really important issues a cloud look comes across his face and he just says"farrrrrrrrrrk eh?", his speech is so slurred i some times mistake it for someone farting, his teeth earnt him some cash a couple years back in a modelling gig for those warning pictures on cig packets, just so we are on the same page thats all just junky things….. yet the reason why we are unsure wether he is still a junky or an ex is, there is regular drug testing at work and while the tests are pretty simple to cheat on….. so is tying your shoes yet Dave don't do the ol' shoe tie to well… Any way this is just character description to give perspective for the main part of this story….. Dave loves using idioms. On average he is smashing around 35-40 of 'em a day, but the problem is he never uses them in the right context. At first it was funny, like the way Will Farrel did it in Anchorman, when in roam!/?…. Now though it just cuts every never ending in my body. I have taken to writing them down whenever they drop from his dentures so that i can at least share them with some one in the hope that it will give laughter where i am currently feeling exasperation. Here is a couple…. there is many more but my eyes and ears are usually bleeding while he is droppin' them….
One of the guys at work is a real back stabber, but to your face he is super nice…..
Dave said in regards to him: Yeah that cunt is a blessing in disguise…
Talking about how long the contract we were on was going to take…
Dave said: Rome took ages to build in a day…
We found a GPS point first go….
Dave said: X is the spot
He swore that the company hadn't paid him the right amount last week….(so junky right now)
Dave said: They're bitting the hand that feeds this time (dave is a labourers labourer)
I was telling him that I had never been to Darwin….
Dave said: It's a small world?…..
His missooooo was super depressed….
Dave said: Yeah, her cloud definitely has found it's silver lining….
Our leading hand asked him to go grab some star pickets from the ute…..
Dave said: Oh what am I, playing devils advocate now too?…..
There is a million more and he rattles them off with such enthusiasm (you know junky enthusiasm) that you can't call him on them.
Bit of a winge, I'm sorry to of taken you all along for the ride on that one it really is my problem to deal with….. but hey blood is thicker then water….. yeah right like a pig in mud....
