dumb gay kids or worried gay kids?

Awakening on the plane this afternoon was like every other day. I had been awake for 13 hours(12 of which were work) and had just landed after a 30 minute flight, and as usual I had fallen deep asleep prior to the customary safety talk. The guy next to me had presumed I was just pretending to sleep(or he was just a ass) and had lent over to say "fuck you'd think these cunts would work this shit out considering we do it every fucking day", not the best sound to wake up to but none the less i was awake. He was talking about how every day we land at the same time but for  different reason every time it takes around 45 minutes for our bus to collect us off the tarmac. It's a drag but we are all getting paid and we are only heading back to camp anyway there isn't much back there. The fella next to me didn't say anything after that, he just sat an scoffed every few minutes making it clear that he wasn't Happy with the situation.

The steward at the front of the plane was a maybe 19 year old boy from Perth, he was as gay as my tap jazz classes in grade 4 had hope to make me, this bothered me not in the slightest. However I was wide awake and bored so i eavesdropped a little on his and the stewardesses conversation. At first nothing great some home and away gos a little politics which i don't understand so cant judge on and some general fellow workers slagging. This was all well and good until he started talking about really stupid stuff....like asking what the flag was on the side of the V Australia planes were and how impressive his friends sit covers were..... there was so much of this type talk but i sort of blacked out and cant remember the gold stuff but it was bad. It made me remember sitting in the spa one night on the sunshine coast and there was a gay dude and his friend in there and they were talking about being afraid of the crocs in the maroochy river and typical dumb teen gay stuff. It made me semi annoyed for a second i couldn't pick up on the link between the gay cliche and stupidity and ignorance.

I spent the next couple of hours thinking about this because there was nothing more interesting that had happened to me since and it finally dawned on me!?! these teen queens had spent the time that most of us had spent learning worrying about what their fathers or friends were going to think of them... they spent this time shitting themselves, and within a dawning i had another dawning. Was the general old school disapproval of homosexuality to blame for these guys only just starting to ask the stupid questions we all asked in primary school, now? And all of a sudden i went from annoyed with the dumbness of this guy to feeling utterly sorry for him.... these guys weren't dumb they were just finally getting the chance to learn.

In closing if a homosexual guy asks u can fat people go skinny-dipping? be sympathetic and explain the explanation.

the public boat test...

There are few things in life that actually piss me off. I think the agglomeration of bad luck in my late teens is to thank/blame for this, and now pointless confrontations and common annoyances (waiting in lines, getting Spanglish/asianlish/idianlish speaking people for phone services....) really faze me as much as tripping but not falling over. So when something does come along and i find myself angry, I take time to analyze the situation and it isn't long before I'm laughing about getting my phone stolen or getting beaten up. My first encounter with this type of anger appraisal was after a 6 hour public boat trip from Bali to Lombok with two good friends.


We had already driven around an hour early in the morning, squashed in a van with 9 seats and 42 people 6 board bags and a small petting zoo, the heat/humidity was like the inside of a coke bottle that had been left in the sun for the 3 hottest days of summer.


We had thought to go to Lombok only a few days prior to escape the filth sex pit of kuta. It was a shotgun plan and like all shot gun plans was made to be the cheapest and least researched possible. Once we were on the boat we realized that we were among 1000 locals and 10 other westerners who also looked like the types to cheap a quick trip with out thinking. This boat was massive almost like one of those old rusty red and black oil tankers that you see in movies except with out the usual suspects set in the foreground. The down stairs was filled to the brim with humans and chickens alike their was no pecking order, if a pig or a dog said you were in his seat you kindly apologized and moved on remembering the last time u tried to argue a locals authority.


Only minutes into the trip all three of us were feeling a little peckish (considering the last thing we had eaten was 12 or so hours ago and in the Bali spirit was probably evacuated quicker then it was entered),oh oh the selection was limited to beng bengs a rice chocolate treat or rice and spice in a banana leave, being over indulging westerners we gluttoned up and purchased both. Beng beng as always delivered a three way of smiles (yes much to our mothers dismay we had broken the dessert before dinner rule). The rice and spice I'm sure would have been great if they had remembered any of the ingredients other then hot, Soren (one of the friends) being the experienced globe trotter amongst us swallowed and took it as a means of survival, I chose to go hungry and Ken took a mouthful wigged out wiped his eye with chili hand and before me and Soren could appreciate the hilarity of the situation went on a step further and poured a littler of water into his eye socket getting about 10mls on the wound and the rest everywhere, it drew much attention from the locals so post haste we retreated to higher ground and found our way to the top floor. There was no man in a tux who opened the elevator doors and said "top floor kabana and pool area", there was no elevator... there was no floor. It looked like what was once a deck worthy of swabbing, had been high pressure hosed with sulphuric acid every chance the skipper could get....shit was rusty and dead looking. We also found this was common whitey hiding grounds. There was no shade, everyone was burnt and atop their burn more burn. At the front of the ship looking comfortably at home a expat of some sort who was either in his sixties or had just been on this boat ride for long enough to experienced a sulphuric shower, his old once white birken stocks and hemp shoulder slung bag let us all know whilst we were well outside our comfort zone, that rusted out seat he was laying on was as home as a mothers hug. A scatter of euro travel dogs were living up to their south-east asia trekking cliche, possibly having a story battle about how far they had rode or what monk they had drunk monkey blessed green Sumatran rhinoceros teak sap tea with. Finally the last couple were the butchest/loudest most American Harley riding lesbians Ive still to this day ever witnessed, they were trying to buy some of the riceospiceo mix but like so many idiot westos do they were having a crack at speaking the local tongue- getting to a word they didnt know and just finishing in English making it impossible for us to understand little own the poor lady that was resting 57kg of rice and heat on here head.


I'm tired now and need to sleep, i could go into even more detail to outline how fucked it was but the climax of the story is once we final got to the port we had to wait a further 2 hours to be docked we could see land..fuck we could see our names on the card the taxi driver was holding but i think if it had not been for this final straw myself,soren and ken would have never learnt that in these times the only cure is laughing at how utterly fucked the situation is we spent those two last hours on that boat crying from laughing so hard and from this point on in all my bad situations i have either gotten goose bumps from an epiphany from being so deep in  thought i touch lava, or cried and pissed my pants with laughter that from the experience on that boat the only way is up and I'm still climbing the ladder and hope never to reach the top floor.

What waited on the other side.....

hello or goodbye?

Contained in a 4m*3m donga for the 3.5 hours between getting home from work and going to bed, I have come to realize these hours of "my time" I get  without a friend, piano or a board of some sorts in sight is a quick way for me to store energy, itch, fiddle and solo conversate my way through a half awake half doze state that most would try label sleep. In an attempt to burn some of this fuel and cure my inability to ever really be totally awake/sleep I have been routinely eating dinner early-letting the food settle-then running on a tredmil for as long as possible......its droney and much like my work requires the thought depth that most would put into breathing. This leaves me a blank mind to fill for the most part of my day. It has taken me 23 years and 10 months to appreciate that i think a lot, about mostly nothing, although around 10 percent of these thoughts i enjoy that they may be some of  the only times I am truly doing something as close to original as possible. In these over influenced times, where as soon as you open your ears and/or eyes everything/one around you is trying to disturb your natural pure thoughts, that are unique to you like a thumb print or the sound of your laugh. I have gotten myself carried away here on trying to make the point that I'm blogging to savour these said thoughts before like most good things disappear faster then u can store their memory.

If you have happened to flock to this blog like the salmon of the North Atlantic(aka Atlantic salmon) do to the Becharof Wilderness, you are free to read away but if I get the slightest punctuation remark or spell check i will kill u and everyone your friends with on facebook, I'm not writing this to get penguin on board for a hard cover dan brown world tour, I'm just intending to read over this an laugh one day or hopefully have some one else read it and laugh....... hhahahahaha lol wtf rofl.

considering  none of what was typed above was funny i have a word''''s that sounds funny but is pretty serious and shit but i like to use as often as i can to get a laugh out of someone.....brain aneurysm

So i guess this is hello........ or goodbye?

The upgraded version of my living quarters