change

I am constantly overwhelmed by "change"... Not knowing whether the right decision has been made... Always excited to find out? yet contradictory to that emotion there isn't a change that while feeling the excited anticipation of future I haven't also felt loss and sadness for the longing/wanting to keep the good things that you can take with you. When i think back over the zenith changes in my life i am always reminded of the fact that I took the "get it before it gets me" approach to change and was always the push behind the movement.... but still remains the wondering what if's... (i know i always use this "i'm sitting here" first person writing style but) I'm sitting in my donger its new years eve everyone i know is having fun and i know that should be the reason behind this sadness I'm feeling but its not, there has been a cyclone announced and tomorrow my work swing will be cut 4 days short as of evacuations are to happen, this will be my last night on the island for good(or at least a coupla years) and everything happening has left me getting my think on................................... and while the last 6 months i have felt solitude, loneliness, restriction, entrapment and all the other emotional restraints i have melodramatically winged about, i have also enjoyed  (for the first time ever) having spare moneys, maturing(some what), being respected for doing a solid and a new found self knowing(that comes hand in hand with spending most of your time with yourself).  I've spoke about the couple of dickheads out on this place i've met to my friends for the comedic value they have offered to get me through, what i haven't spoken of is all the good people i have met, it has been the first time i've worked with such a large group of people (something over 100) and i think i was the island bicycle being pasted from crew to crew allowing me to meet most of said work force. Considering we do little work out her there was plenty of time to get to know these people and it opened my mind too the fact, even though it was probably the most diverse group of peeps i've ever met, common ground was (post the small talk) they were all good solid people i got along with swimmingly, people that i now find myself while sooooo excited for the next frontier, really quite sad that i will most probably never see these people again. I have had chats with a lot of them that i would regard better then the talk i have with friends of years, in this comes my overwhelmed''''ment.... this last 6-9 months of my life have been very different to the 6 years that came before them and in my future plans i know i will be satisfied that i have made the right decision but god dam the feeling of change/loss/gain from its extremities of death to the smallest sadness u feel when u will no longer get taunted by some old bastard that years later you will realise taught you more then any teacher....Or the great sadness you feel for loosing a 60 year old kiwi friend who only talks about Jimi Hendirx

Barrow you're bringing me down
But i love you    
(thats the opposite to the smash hit "new york i love u but you're bring me down")

below by far the greatest human on the planet

god don't boss me around its christmas and I'm having a shitty day

The air-conditioning is at 18 degrees but outside its just hit 50, it's christmas day and as some form of self giving moment in order to not totally loose contact with the happiness that is christmas me and my work crew have opted for a little air-con truck talk time (this is common practise and really in the searing barron land of barrow is nearly as rewarding as a christmas present). I'm (oddly enough) in a bit of a daze while the other boys are talking about some undercover boss show(its been a long time since I have consciously watched tv) that I'm not at all familiar with but I over hear the gist of the show. While they are rumbling on, on comes "one of us" by Joan Osborne. At the time I pay very little attention to it but I do notice the whole scene sort of make a subconscious movie log in my mind(I'm pretty sure given the circumstances I'm thinking what the fuck am I doing here on christmas there are so many other people and other places I should be).  Later on in the shower (the place I go to think the most) the whole scene floods back at first I detest the thought, as anything work related should be left between the paid hours.. but then i realise my mind is trying to get to a different point its linking the song and tv show together......And by god don't i ponder this for quite some time. In the show I'm told the boss comes in disguised as a worker and finds all the bad things happening in his/her company and tries to rectify them. Then that theory cross pollenated with what if god was one of us just a undercover boss like one of us tinkered in my mind. I started thinking of all the stuff that if said god was legitimate (and not just a character in a book that has about as much evidential truth as frodo or jonathan livingston seagull i mean in the end the only real difference is one was written about a longer time ago) then what would he change would he really be as judgemental as his preachers and followers make him out to be and if so......... would anyone really get to keep there jobs?

also no funny post scrips this time sorry haven't really had all that many comedic inspirations of late what with all the red dust and dick head old dudes with broken lives telling me I'm an idiot for quitting such a high paying job that has left them with 3 divorcees taking everything they have ever worked for... na na cheers for the advice old alcoholic with bad bad sunglasses tan to the point where I took a photo of you the other day thinking I'd spotted the first 6 ft racoon



pps merry christmas check where i spent it

pathetic i know

if anyone wants to comment positively or negatively.... i welcome it... hell i wouldn't be surprised if a comment or two would give me pre cum.... with that in mind men and mum maybe steer clear of commenting cause pre cum and those two groups is an awkward scenario actually even mentioning anything the such is awkward but the delete button is all the way over the back corner of the key board and at this current time i cant conjure the strength to press it.... i feel like writing something weird and impulsive as i usually do in an attempt to make myself indie comedic but some one just threw a gold fish at my iphone and i dont want my angry birds to eat it so i have no time for such immature chin waggery

the day before you go back to work itis

Its waiting time again… some people dread sundays because they know what lies ahead strenuous work, annoying bosses, annoying co-workers, annoying annoyances….. The realisation that for the next 5 days you are going to have at least 8 hours a day of doing something your not entirely pumped about.

I'm sitting in Sunshine coast airport, its tuesday and although work is not till friday i begin getting sundayitis early in the count.. this is not of the common flavour "itis". Im not anticipating the hard work, the many annoying work related hassles… no i'm more scared of the waiting that is about to slowly pick away at my soul for the next month, a time in which i will think about every thought i have just thought about, i will dissect and redissect all of my past, present and future decisions. Some embrace the waiting and call it relaxing… to those people i say relaxation is only an enjoyable experience if there is an ensuing unrelaxing situation in which you can counter appreciate the "lessness" of the relax(or for you cool kids(wether on or off the block)chillax).  I love just typing away with your thoughts and coming up with a philosophical call… Although i usually proof read these little blurbs of shit 4 days later and think god ur a dick head who do you think u are sacrotes pull it in…… Cheers australian upbringing(don't think to much or u will realise ur a wanker…… give us a beer i feel like tackling something)