change

I am constantly overwhelmed by "change"... Not knowing whether the right decision has been made... Always excited to find out? yet contradictory to that emotion there isn't a change that while feeling the excited anticipation of future I haven't also felt loss and sadness for the longing/wanting to keep the good things that you can take with you. When i think back over the zenith changes in my life i am always reminded of the fact that I took the "get it before it gets me" approach to change and was always the push behind the movement.... but still remains the wondering what if's... (i know i always use this "i'm sitting here" first person writing style but) I'm sitting in my donger its new years eve everyone i know is having fun and i know that should be the reason behind this sadness I'm feeling but its not, there has been a cyclone announced and tomorrow my work swing will be cut 4 days short as of evacuations are to happen, this will be my last night on the island for good(or at least a coupla years) and everything happening has left me getting my think on................................... and while the last 6 months i have felt solitude, loneliness, restriction, entrapment and all the other emotional restraints i have melodramatically winged about, i have also enjoyed  (for the first time ever) having spare moneys, maturing(some what), being respected for doing a solid and a new found self knowing(that comes hand in hand with spending most of your time with yourself).  I've spoke about the couple of dickheads out on this place i've met to my friends for the comedic value they have offered to get me through, what i haven't spoken of is all the good people i have met, it has been the first time i've worked with such a large group of people (something over 100) and i think i was the island bicycle being pasted from crew to crew allowing me to meet most of said work force. Considering we do little work out her there was plenty of time to get to know these people and it opened my mind too the fact, even though it was probably the most diverse group of peeps i've ever met, common ground was (post the small talk) they were all good solid people i got along with swimmingly, people that i now find myself while sooooo excited for the next frontier, really quite sad that i will most probably never see these people again. I have had chats with a lot of them that i would regard better then the talk i have with friends of years, in this comes my overwhelmed''''ment.... this last 6-9 months of my life have been very different to the 6 years that came before them and in my future plans i know i will be satisfied that i have made the right decision but god dam the feeling of change/loss/gain from its extremities of death to the smallest sadness u feel when u will no longer get taunted by some old bastard that years later you will realise taught you more then any teacher....Or the great sadness you feel for loosing a 60 year old kiwi friend who only talks about Jimi Hendirx

Barrow you're bringing me down
But i love you    
(thats the opposite to the smash hit "new york i love u but you're bring me down")

below by far the greatest human on the planet