I've had my fair share of massages (as a sort of thank you to my body for what ever i had put it through prior to needing a massage) and I usually pay the extra 5 dollars (or what ever it maybe depending on the country) for the oil massage. But on the night of january the 18th 2011 after a 7 hour travel mission of busses and trains from hakuba (maybe my most favourite places on earth) to narrita airport accommodation, id ordered a room service oil massage that would tarnish all understandings of massages being relaxing and semi erotic… I think partly to blame for my such high standards was hollywood and the way they depict asian hotel massages as always being gorgeous young women….. On the 18th in port hotel narrita though this was definitely not to be the case.
The broucher said 6,890 yen for a 40 min oil massage and although this was in aud $10 more then the $80 i had paid for the room i didn't mind i was well sore from 2 weeks of heavy activity my neck was well out of place and i hadn't really slept well for a week…
,
With the ring of the door i put on a little bon iver to set the calming relaxing vibe, i wanted no attempt at broken english conversation or worse silence. Answering the door i wondered if the lady that had been sent to allegedly massage my body back to a healthy state was actually still alive or she had used her last gasp of strength to press the door bell. She was not bigger then 4 foot not younger then infinity and by no means heavier then the sockets she was wearing. I took it in my stride remembering mr miyagi defeating all those youthful brutes and being of similar size and age… with that thought i was actually excited that maybe she is like the master of massage possibly the inventor. OOOOOOHHHHH boy how wrong i was.. My experience with massaged has always been you get nude and put a towel around you but this women had no towel and was gesturing me in japanese to undress, feeling uncomfortable with her request i grabbed some boardies and went into the toilet to change. When i came out she has laid a massive towelish blanket across the bed and had the seediest ( i wish i documented this all with my web cam but my words are all i have) bottle of oil ive ever seen( im pretty sure what first looked like writing on the bottle actually turned out to be other peoples pubes). I laid on the bed face down and clenched my teeth, anticipating maybe the worst 40 mins of my life ahead (my forecasting of impending doom feel short of the horror to come)
The contents of the pub stricken bottle were being dripped across my back like wax from a candle and although not as hot as wax the burn was all the same….. Miyagi begun.. she started with my upper and lower back, now at first i was okay with it because despite the fact her hands resembled that of some one who had cut wood with a rough wooden handled axe for the last 6 months straight only stopping to dry any moister out of their hands with cement… yeah yeah despite this fact she was sooooo weak that I'd felt more of a massage on the peak hour train i'd ridden hours earlier…
This story got a hole lot worse there was parts where mrs miyagies nuckles brushed my nuts… another key memory was her pulling my arms and making my hand rub cross her tit… her quick succession karate chop massage thing was more of a dabbing of the skin with her wrists…. i wish i had not fallen asleep writing this cause i remember it being so bad and this is probably why 4 days later i cant remember all the details…… so i guess the lesson in this is if you have a bad or good experience and u want to tell people don't fall asleep mid story get that shit down or next thing you know your friends, family, loved ones, unloved ones, and human relation categories not yet known to me could be stepping into mrs miyagies $90s of hell….
Who I expected
Things didnt really work out like that though
No comments:
Post a Comment