Le day five

Friday 29th July

7:30am, "code. code. wake up darl". "mum?". "mate we have slept in, it's 730" "oh fuck!!!!! I'm up and will be ready in 5 out the front". I'm a terribly blank person when I'm late, and while me and mum hurry around gathering our things I fret endlessly about missing my plane. 

12pm, Melbourne domestic, Q-Club, pretend I've been flying in and out of the club since i was 13 like im beiber. Turns out I'm the only one that was raised on the smell of a oily rag and thinks there is some form of social prestige associated with the club. I realise this and take as much free food and drink as i can… as per.

4pm, After many flight delays I finally arrive in Sydney. While i wait for my buddy on a bench seat I notice myself smiling and realise i look like a christian, so i hood up. I'ma smilin because the buddy that's on his way to pick me up is my youth, in all its bus egging, beach party wristie, beer bongingness, the core and what might seem as acts of immaturity, they were stronger life lessons than any boot camp or summer school, things i hope my kids will some day experience. 

5pm, We spend a traffic clogged hr drive from the airport to his place in padington (or one of those other nice sydney places) is filled with hilarious reminiscent convo, the guy is so insightful and ererytime we hang it seems that we have both been watching,listening,reading……ing completely different stuff so there is plenty of content to converse…. Hold the phone what's this. Our conversation is abruptly interrupted by the passing of two horse mounted police….. Not so weird I hear you say, well this was two females and im sexist so what the fuck are women doing in such powerful jobs…….. not really. They were twin sisters, so identical that they had their ponytails slung over the same shoulder and the same blue bow in their hair was in the tail of the horses. Liam referenced it to being something out of a David Lynch movie which i said I will go catch up on, yet still as i sit here on my computer i haven't checked that reference…. ill do it later.

Night-3am, A lot happened, maybe even more than that that I don't remember. Details are scarce(ish) so I'll point form my memories.

- Went to some hip norfolk place saw the best side-boob I've ever seen, maybe seen it too long because the next time i went for a peak it was jacketed (note to self: learn to be a better creep) also ate some tacos that burnt my mouth so bad but everyone else seemed to be okay with (note to self: don't show so much emotion when your mouth is burning)

-Liam DJ'd at World bar, me and mark from his band had a sword fight in the toilets and got the door kicked in and nearly thrown out for trading drugs… the hole matter was resolved when a piss soaked toilet roll was evidence that I was far to much of a immature drunk to trade drugs.

-After been away from women for so long I was pointing out how hot all the ladies in the place were to the boys, I pointed a little to close to a girls face and she grabbed my finger and then, much to my surprise performed a solid minute of what I will call the best I've ever had "finger oral" on my pointing finger. I played it cool to the boys as if it was common play with me, but inside i was shitting myself and goggling on my iPhone for 'what to do next' advice. There was no reception so I lent in for a make out… apparently the kids don't do that anymore and she just gave me her number…. I got a confused nose bleed.

-I met up with a girl I knew from before… we briefly made out and I thought she must be from the old school. Then she took me by the hand outside, for what I thought was a possible one night stand. Yet when I asked where are we going her reply "to meet my boyfriend" punched my presumptive thought about the oldschool thing in the guts. 

-Woke up with no recollection of how I made 50 calls to a variety of female numbers with out getting a pick up from any of them. I also got into a text with a really cool nice girl in which i ended by typing back to her: "im going to bed" with: "In the words of Timberland what goes arkdfhg cone arujjj"…. I guess the point of the story is if you haven't yet given me your number and were considering it..Don't, if i get drunk no one is safe.

Day Four

Thursdy (not a spelling mistake, patriotism) 28th July

10am, Oh my, what is this. For the first time in 35 days I wake up later than 5. It feels amazing, if it wasn't for the greenish purple bruising covering 70-80% of my body i'd almost say it was the best sleep in I've ever had. God daughter has delivered by making pancakes…. Win. 

1pm, I've come to see my aunty Janice. It's so good to see her. It has been years,  and not just a couple. She is frail. My Mum, who has been through caring for people on their final days many times, explains it best " when people have cancer the body knows where it is heading and it has time to prepare for it. She has shrunk and taken back to baby form, curling up in to the position she was in when she first ever rested in the womb". Janice sees me and instantly smiles, telling me how good it is to see me and how I've become my own man. This is the most affect anyone has ever had on me. Her strength, while weighing all but nothing, is incredible. Still talking, still able to stand and most importantly still able to grasp me in a straight jacket of a hug. I can't remember the last time I cried for anything other than a movie. My entirety cries, my arms are weak and an overwhelming feeling of unknown surges throw me. I realise I'm a weak,pathetic person when I leave the room after Janice says to my Mum "what's happening, where am I going". My mum has done this stuff time and time again, once again she proves to be a much greater soul than I have, or ever will meet/met. As me and my god daughter walk to the car she(without tears) says to me " Poor Janny, she will be happier soon". Child enlightenment is a thing of beauty. I choke on my words for quite some time.

6pm, In Janices honour we have a beautiful meal, a red or two and a fire, which, I being the only male try to take over and get all bear grills on but fail and have to live the humiliation while my female cousins own me in a fire making off.  Good times, great stories, most importantly a rare delight of family bonding…… for everything else there's mastercard.

Check that scenery. Harrietville, beautiful!!!

Day Tre

Wednesday 27th July

6am, I'm awake. So when the alarm on my phone goes off, I thank It for being an hour later than it had been all of last month(even if routine didn't allow for a real sleep in, an unforced one is sometimes as good). Straight to the shower. I'm giddy, the snow is top priority with me. If I had the option of either scoring fresh tracks in japan all day or getting my cock in and around Miranda Kerrs many entries, I'm sorry but I'd have to pause for like 45 seconds before I realise that I could film the Miranda gig and black mail her and Orlando for enough coin to live in Japan for the rest of my happy days. So yeah I'd turn Miranda into pleasure mountain for the greater good. 

4pm, I spent too much time on 6am, so the day spent falling on my ass(cuts and bruises to prove) up at Hotham, on my own, is going to have to be condensed into poem. ( I was going to write "a few words" where I wrote "poem" so the whole poem thing has surprised me and I may be out of my depths here but I'll have a crack)

On my butt 

The proof of pain, a cut

Spending a day alone in the snow

LIke a party in the day time, not worthy of blow

The potential this place has is frustrating

The bruise close to my sphincter makes me think, constipating?

Oh also the bus driver that….. drove the bus(nnerrrr) took his job way to seriously. There was only me and an old couple on the bus and we were both sitting down the front, ears distance from his mouth. He knew this, we knew this, but he went and used that muffled microphone to point out the obvious outer window sights didn't he. 

Night pm, Have dinner with family that I haven't seen in along time. My god daughter is in grade 5 and is amazingly cute, she has the cool quirkiness of someone who will do crazy creative stuff when she is older, I'm jealous haha. When we get home she lets me take the bottom bunk and I offer the chance to talk boys and stuff. She reiterates that she thinks I'm lame and tells me I'm a pussy for wanting a night light. Sleep.

Don't be fooled, that's all ice ice baby.

Day 2

Tuesday 26th July

12am, I arrive back to my humble abode after an hour drive home from brissy airport with Joel. Some brothers don't get along, but we spend the entire time deep in convo, time flies in conversation. 

1am, Still wide awake, I check all the regular sites, talk to a philly in an attempt to line up some attention…. it's late, no avail. Sleep.

6am and a couple more hours, I'm straight out of bed like my body has been trained to be for the last month. Before I even realise I'm awake, I pack all my snow gear and am walking out the door to go check the waves….. Waves are nice but I don't have enough time to enjoy. Joel picks me up again this time in a massive moving truck, when he drops me off at the airport it looks like it has been hired just too carry my bags, some old dude gives me a weird look as I grab my stuff out of the back so I smack the son of a bitch upside the head. Bokononism.

10am, Girl at the desk for Jetstar is so cute, Her name is Kellie (marochydore airport, anyone know her?), I search her desk for a last name so I can cowardly add her on Facebook later and use a thesaurus to make her think I'm smart… I mean intelligent. I don't find it and spend 45 minutes in the departures lounge trying to think of something good to say to get a date with her….. I start watching a surfing edit with a moving song in it and I forget about it completely. 

12pm, Sydney domestic airport is Australia's most prestigious public cat walk. Virgin girls have me once again thinking of a real life way to talk to strange girls….. search for last names…. I come up with a good call but i'm in the shower and it's 20 minutes later….. ohhhh brother. 

3pm, I've landed in Albury, 7 airports in 28hrs. As I flew in I wondered if I could find that country setting where Lisa Mitchell sat on the swing and gave her little interviews for Idol from. If this was possible I then fathom if somehow that would be helpful in my everlasting conquest to one day marry her?. I get off the plane, mum is tear in eye, waiting. Mum is everything I like in myself, she is directly responsible for anything good I have ever thought,done,said,will…… 

3.15pm, Me and Mum are heavy convo for the next 2 hours, as always. It's always the deepest and intelligent conversation with the old cheese. She has the essence of it all, life experience a plenty. And a vocab worthy of Macquarie cats. I try to be as insightful, most of my stuff is "a brief history of philosophy" rehashed spew though. None the less these times are some of my most valued learnings.

7pm, After dinner with my cousin Leanne and Greg, which I might add is always enjoyable, those guys have done their fair share of living and they told me a story I'll use later as my own. Me and Mum head to my aunties house. Outside it is like -2 degrizzles, but wait what's this, heated flooring….. has anyone ever experienced this shit? EPIC. Lay all my cloths for the morning out and fall into a pleasant, well needed sleep. 

Adventure Part Uno (Italian for one. I can't help it I'm worldly)

I recently had a bit of an adventure for my 9 days off. I'm going to post a days details a day.....a day. Once they are all written I'll re-post it as a complete post.

Monday 25th july. DAY 1

5am, I wake up to the sounds of reverend Tyler Lopez, a half black half latino, blatino chistian precher. My South african room mate has the preachings on so loud that I wonder if there is a metaphor or simile that would describe how loud the TV is….. but it was too loud and I couldn't think.

6am, After a little breakfast at the mess hall I return to my room. Safa is still hard out listening to this preacher, regardless of the fact that he is openly racist, he seems genuinely interested in it. SSSSSIIIIIIIIRRRRRREEEEEEENNNNNN the fire alarm sounds and everybody staying in blocks D and E converge on the car park to be marked off. I'm in tight jeans and get 16 nice jean calls in total. A couple of Irish lads tell me "you loocky count" in regards to my flying out today and then I return to my room to finish packing.

8am, walking to catch the bus I run into my mate maggie the pirate, he is a magpie who only has one leg. I pay homage to him buy pledging to spend the next five minutes hoping around on one leg…. I lasted 15 seconds and the whole escapade had me respecting him even more than before.

10am, I'm on the plane. I've done my fair share of flying in the last 12 months, from this i have acquired a couple of DO'S for flying.

- When they say, for taking off and landing all electronic devices should be turned off don't turn your phone off at all just put it to flight mode, although you cant really do anything with a flight moded phone it gives you that rebellious feeling you got the first time you stole a lolly from a shop….. Wynona type shit. 

-Don't recline your chair straight away. This is a rookie error, wait till you want to sleep. Actually up until that point make yourself as uncomfortable as possible, believe me when you recline and get comfy, it will be a comfort previously only experienced in a sealy postra……

-Always go to the toilet while everyone lines up for the first boarding call. It will help in spending time in the line feeling like a douche for standing up and waiting in a spot where you can see the spot u were just comfortably sitting and you wont have to go through the torment of needing to piss in the 10 minutes from when the seatbelt sign comes on a turns off.

-This one isn't advice it's just something I do. Every plane meal i get i eat the biggest to the smallest thing on the plate(this includes the little milk thing and any other liquids) this way I use the packaging in a russian doll kind of way, stacking e'erything inside itself. The plus is it becomes very stable and you wont have rubish floating around. I did this today and wondered if this is where the human race got their plan of action towards what gets eaten when…. cause as it would be eating in this manner is pretty much spot on to the general rule of thumb…… main-desert-drink-----

11am, Touch down in perth. The plane is full with FIFO workers who fly at least 2 flights a month, yet for some reason some fucking douche packer stands up before the seatbelt sign has dimmed as if he is to important to wait… as always the attendant asks him to sit and wait for the light to go off.. he obliges and looks like a cock…. that momentarily pissed me off 

12pm, Slide back to my old pad in Como to pick up some things i had left there last time i moved out. While I waited for Jack and his snookypoo to go to her house to get a key to the house Jake rocked up and we talked shit as per…. he tried to steal my shoes than had me feeling pretty okay about going half and half with him.. shoes wise….. than it looked shit so he just drpped me back at the airport.

4pm, I'm sitting in qantas club waiting for my flight back to brisbane. I'm new to the club so i feel the need every few minutes to yell words like NASDAQ or BUY into my phone to fit in with the general suit clad army up in here.

5pm-11pm, I watch the sunset over a blanket of clouds out the window of the plane, I'm listening to M83, so the whole experience was that mush(thats a spelling mistake for much but i think it works better) more enjoyable. Post watching this sunset I started to read Cats Cradle By Kurt Vonnegut, 4 hours later I satisfyingly turned the final page, sore eyed, chuffed and inspired M83 still played and I looked t'ward the future like some form of sudo-philosopher.  That book is filled with quote gold……

 "Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before," Bokonon tells us. "He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way."

I'm a devote Bokononist now, which is, in the true sense of Bokonism a complete lie.

 My mining home.

The M83 sunset.

Junkies again

I've spent that last 3 days working all day with this dude called Dave. Now Dave is, what we call in the industry a ex/current junky. He shows all the signs of a junky, calls his girlfriend all day checking if she is cheating, which either ends up in a "FUCK YOU SLUT" or " LOVE YOU BABY…….MWAHHHH……OKAY LOVE YOU…..YEAH SEE YOU SOON……. KISSES……..MWAHHH……BYE…..YEAH YOU TOO SNOOKY", this trait is also prevalent in his day to day personality, he is either highly concerned with current issues, always sighting his un informed opinion with such passion it's almost believable or with really important issues a cloud look comes across his face and he just says"farrrrrrrrrrk eh?", his speech is so slurred i some times mistake it for someone farting, his teeth earnt him some cash a couple years back in a modelling gig for those warning pictures on cig packets, just so we are on the same page thats all just  junky things….. yet the reason why we are unsure wether he is still a junky or an ex is, there is regular drug testing at work and while the tests are pretty simple to cheat on….. so is tying your shoes yet Dave don't do the ol' shoe tie to well… Any way this is just character description to give perspective for the main part of this story….. Dave loves using idioms. On average he is smashing around 35-40 of 'em a day, but the problem is he never uses them in the right context. At first it was funny, like the way Will Farrel did it in Anchorman, when in roam!/?…. Now though it just cuts every never ending in my body. I have taken to writing them down whenever they drop from his dentures so that i can at least share them with some one in the hope that it will give laughter where i am currently feeling exasperation. Here is a couple…. there is many more but my eyes and ears are usually bleeding while he is droppin' them….

One of the guys at work is a real back stabber, but to your face he is super nice…..

Dave said in regards to him: Yeah that cunt is a blessing in disguise… 

Talking about how long the contract we were on was going to take…

Dave said: Rome took ages to build in a day…

We found a GPS point first go….

Dave said: X is the spot

He swore that the company hadn't paid him the right amount last week….(so junky right now)

Dave said: They're bitting the hand that feeds this time (dave is a labourers labourer) 

I was telling him that I had never been to Darwin….

Dave said: It's a small world?…..

His missooooo was super depressed….

Dave said: Yeah, her cloud definitely has found it's silver lining….

Our leading hand asked him to go grab some star pickets from the ute…..

Dave said: Oh what am I, playing devils advocate now too?…..

There is a million more and he rattles them off with such enthusiasm (you know junky enthusiasm) that you can't call him on them. 

Bit of a winge, I'm sorry to of taken you all along for the ride on that one it really is my problem to deal with….. but hey blood is thicker then water….. yeah right like a pig in mud....

Janice Ann Lance

This post is written with tears welling. I have just gotten off the phone with my aunty. She has told me she will be coming up too see me as soon as she can and we both agree we are sorry it has been so long since we last saw each other. The truth of the matter is, that after being given 2 weeks, 2 weeks ago and dropping down to 25kgs, the sickness that has overtaken her will most probably mean that phone call will be the last time we speak.

I reminisce of when my uncle Trevor (Jans Husband) passed, and how I was too young to really understand the impact the pair of them had on me. Trevor and Jan are a breed of people that are slowly becoming extinct. They are true blue in the most caring straight up sense of the term. There is no, and never was any bullshit, what needed to be said was said and what didn't wasn't. Their children and children's children are all direct proof of this, all good people.

I sit here gasping on what to type, every word seems to choke me up with the looming thought of death. I wonder how my tiny aunty can be strong enough, when in her current state to say things like "I'm not real good, but shit these things happen. Once it is all over, I'll be up too see you guys".

There is no ode that would do my aunty justice, yet I know her and Trevor were and are above things all pretentious and unimportant,  I admire that rare quality more then any other in humans. With my aunty still able to say "oh fuck what was it" while she is trying to remember something she had too tell me, surely all hope is not lost. Regardless of everything, I will treasure the impacting lessons that I've learnt off her, not from her teaching but simply from her doing.

Much love to you Janice Ann Lance

Slang

I was slanging some slang around with some slang slanging slangers today at work. The topic of the conversation was, in the true nature of men, cock length and breadth . Now this isn't a post about cock sizes, because while we're all being honest, if you own a quarter acre of land with a dog and a cherry tomato vine that hardly qualifies you to talk about farming. Any way the topic is this old dude, who is possibly the most annoying arrogant dude I've ever met, yet some how, he now and then comes up with these cracker calls that are way younger then his, let's say 60 years of age(I'm pretty sure he came up with "that's what she said"). So here we were slanging on about cocks and one of the guys told us the size of his cock, which made me question a lot of things, but this old dude goes "what?! from direct centre of balls, or are we talking base of neck"... he had around 7 different regions of the cock and balls all in acronym form and he was more then happy to go into depth description. Suffice it to say we we're pretty busy taking an hour out of the day to talk cock shop.

In the true nature of my posts here is something completely unrelated, I just watched a range rover advertisement while I was typing this and when I looked back down at the screen I was applying for a hundred grand loan on commbank.com.au. Also penguins are only found in the southern hemisphere.

A dude i work with never bends his knees

I dont really have a subject matter for this little post i just havent written anything over here for quite some time and i feel im neglecting my thoughts and only considering the corporate juggernaut that is eldospod. But here we go a couple of thoughts.... as the title mentioned this dude i work with doesnt bend his knees so he only bends at his hips and he is like 50 and wears tight  pants so everytime he like bends its like he is in stand up doggy stance its so awkward if u get caught behind him while its happening   he even does like a BEND and  SNAP thing that he has obviously learnt from legally blonde..... ive lost my train of thought i havent smelled the sent of a female in 2 weeks and with out being suss i like perfume smells like most like sunsets and just now i got a new room mate and he must of hugged his wife or what ever type of relation she is before he got on the plane cause he is smelling of j'adore he is 6 foot id say 100 kgs pasty white and red hair like an out of shape ronald mc and right now im wondering if he will let me hit that till four in da morning.... the song marijuana by kid cudi is tight dawgs..... i use the joke "no white at night" too much to people that dont get it and am constantly left laughing solo in a group of people that think im a racist



that took sixs seconds too type i know it will be hard to understand with out the full stops so to say sorry here's a picture of this playboy model i used to hook up with from time ta time

( . )( . )
  )     (
(   *   )  she has a slightly offset va ja ja...... not weird. unique

catch me over at http://eldospod.blogspot.com/

hey I am writing on a duet blog with my friend jake u can catch us at http://eldospod.blogspot.com/ but i will post here now and then with stuff a little to weird for that one :) < have smiley face's lost their integrity now that they are just a : and a ) u don have to colour them or buy the stickers

just chatting

I was having an intelligent conversation with a group of really smart people today about regrets and self esteem.. and by intelligent and group I mean meaningless and talking to myself in the shower because i get bored so quick in the shower but i love being in there.

So i started thinking about things that have pissed me off or i regret doing or just anything ball park negative. In no order these are some of the points that were raised and discussed :

> I'm not into the world ending next year, although im sure my peak passed me around age 15 i like to believe 2013 will be if not a peak year at least a rise in sales for what ever im selling.... and how fucked would it be if no one came to your funeral because they too are busy getting there entombment on.

>Last week some one referred to me in present tense as being knee high to a grass hopper short jokes are usually something i beat people too but this one blindsided me and i've been tippy toeing around ever since... cheers nan

>I regret not masturbating before big - medium decisions, rationality is thrown out the window when your lower half is controlling your thoughts.

>Sleep- is anyone getting on its good side, if so how? slash/ is insomnia indie?

>Imagine if wingeing was never invented and stoked was all you could be, how much better people would be..... "just got hit by a bus, .....at least i didnt die" type attitude or even "just died, ....at least i didnt have to go through the traumatic experience of getting hit by a bus"

>Typing a couple paragraphs about things your wingeing about, then contradicting yourself at the end of it.....

(something funny and irrelevant to whats written above) hahaha lol rofl headies sign(in that order)

what up...

its been a while but look whose back... back again.... cody's back tell a friend... preferably a female friend or if you don't have any female friends a good looking dude but not like that dude from twilight  I'm talking john candy good looking.
Enough with that ramble. When I was working in the mines I had oodles of time to think and the child of those thoughts was the first x amount of blogs I put up. Now that I am back in the real world having friendships and relations and hobbies and sinking mad piss like an absolute dog, I'm finding the doing a little mentally overwhelming, I don't think I ever realised that normal life is so full on, and mainly and namely dealing with other people around you, constantly making decisions based on the possible outcome(s) for everyone else and not just yourself, around every corner there is a quadruple entendre.

I personally know of myself to be a little selfish for I try to keep the making me happy and making others happy 50/50 or even 60/40 pending how much sleep was had that prior night. Of late though I have been noticing these people that can not.... not say no and there every move is in the request of others, firstly, hat off to them because it must be insanely hard to keep that up, but I as always over analyse the situation and wonder is the push over that can't say no actually a push over or just a nicer person then the whom calls push over, and polar to that is the person who only looks after themselves just an absolute carnt or just completely content in their doings?

I dont even know if this is worthy of the codec it's written on but i was bored and it's been far too long so if you don't like it and actually regret reading it you can forward a complaint to my pee hole which thanks to all the vodka cranberries i drank the other night is a UTI free zone

i have a bad case of bloggers block

I've been

I've been happy, I've been sad, I've been loved, I've been hated, I've been congratulated, I've been condemned, I've been laughed at, I've been laughed with, I've been inspired, I've been disgusted, I've been questioned, I've been answered, I've been jealous, I've been judged, I've been here, I've been there, I've been awake, I've been asleep, I've been .....∞ yet as the sun provides us with our measure of life, anything left out in the rays of time will fade.


just had that thought. 
Too deep?..... that's what all the girls say! BOOM!!

nah i forgot to put me hoodie on so i only got like 4 bucks left

there's a lot of stuff that people do that i don't understand and probably never will..... today this was highlighted when i asked my self after just witnessing it in the act why is it that the cliche derro feel the need to wear hoodies and long pants even in 30 degree heat... is their knowledge of economics limited to knowing that air-con cost fuck loads on the electricity at fault.. drilled so heavily into their heads that they just associate being comfortable tempered with expencive?

curve balls are fucked

I've had my fair share of massages (as a sort of thank you to my body for what ever i had put it through prior to needing a massage) and I usually pay the extra 5 dollars (or what ever it maybe depending on the country) for the oil massage. But on the night of january the 18th 2011 after a 7 hour travel mission of busses and trains from hakuba (maybe my most favourite places on earth) to narrita airport accommodation, id ordered a room service oil massage that would tarnish all understandings of massages being relaxing and semi erotic… I think partly to blame for my such high standards was hollywood and the way they depict asian hotel massages as always being gorgeous young women….. On the 18th in port hotel narrita though this was definitely not to be the case. 

The broucher said 6,890 yen for a 40 min oil massage and although this was in aud $10 more then the $80 i had paid for the room i didn't mind i was well sore from 2 weeks of heavy activity my neck was well out of place and i hadn't really slept well for a week… 

,

With the ring of the door i put on a little bon iver to set the calming relaxing vibe, i wanted no attempt at broken english conversation or worse silence. Answering the door i wondered if the lady that had been sent to allegedly massage my body back to a healthy  state was actually still alive or she had used her last gasp of strength to press the door bell. She was not bigger then 4 foot not younger then infinity and by no means heavier then the sockets she was wearing. I took it in my stride remembering mr miyagi defeating all those youthful brutes and being of similar size and age… with that thought i was actually excited that maybe she is like the master of massage possibly the inventor. OOOOOOHHHHH boy how wrong i was.. My experience with massaged has always been you get nude and put a towel around you but this women had no towel and was gesturing me in japanese to undress, feeling uncomfortable with her request i grabbed some boardies and went into the toilet to change. When i came out she has laid a massive towelish blanket across the bed and had the seediest ( i wish i documented this all with my web cam but my words are all i have) bottle of oil ive ever seen( im pretty sure what first looked like writing on the bottle actually turned out to be other peoples pubes). I laid on the bed face down and clenched my teeth, anticipating maybe the worst 40 mins of my life ahead (my forecasting of impending doom feel short of the horror to come)

The contents of the pub stricken bottle were being dripped across my back like wax from a candle and although not as hot as wax the burn was all the same….. Miyagi begun.. she started with my upper and lower back, now at first i was okay with it because despite the fact her hands resembled that of some one who had cut wood with a rough wooden handled axe for the last 6 months straight only stopping to dry any moister out of their hands with cement… yeah yeah despite this fact she was sooooo weak that I'd felt more of a massage on the peak hour train i'd ridden hours earlier…

This story got a hole lot worse there was parts where mrs miyagies nuckles brushed my nuts… another key memory was her pulling my arms and making my hand rub cross her tit… her quick succession karate chop massage thing was more of a dabbing of the skin with her wrists…. i wish i had not fallen asleep writing this cause i remember it being so bad and this is probably why 4 days later i cant remember all the details…… so i guess the lesson in this is if you have a bad or good experience and u want to tell people don't fall asleep mid story get that shit down or next thing you know your friends, family, loved ones, unloved ones, and human relation categories not yet known to me could be stepping into mrs miyagies $90s of hell…. 

Who I expected

Things didnt really work out like that though

what is it that makes us think we are any different

I read an article in a surfing magazine last time i was in indo, it was all about how over the last couple/few years the place had become over run with westernised shit (drunk dick heads out at night, sober dick heads crowding the surf, high dick heads writing articles about how good it was when they first went there.....).
As i read through i was agreeing remembering a lot less dicks there the first time i had travelled there and for a little bit i had this thought in my head that i was some sort of a pioneer and had more right to the juice that was being squeezed out of indonesia..... yup i'm a dick head.... i slapped myself and thought it's inevitable that enjoyable things beget more people wanting a sample. It posses a very ugly truth, (almost like realising your at your peak) appreciating that you are enjoying something new, because your knowledge and more so your advertisement of said enjoyment is ultimately the undoing of its allure.

I have been in japan for a week or so and my cheek bones are slowly breaking down to pulp from the battering they are coping every time i realise i'm thinking like a dick(and on the flip cause i'm smiling so hard most of the time). It is so hard not to notice their are a lot more english speaking people on the slopes and their is a lot more tracks through places that remained untracked for days last time I was here. I've even heard my self complain about it once or twice(something that i am very embarrassed by) Whom am i to complain or even judge before i came here there were other westerners getting even less crowds and before them only the Japanese were enjoying the fruits to themselves and before the lifts were here maybe only the few keen hikers had a taste.....but the fact remained the same as soon as they hiked that first run and told their friend it was over the unavoidable vortex of crowds on the slopes, crowds in the bars and crowds writing stupid blogs about the topic had been opened and with every person it sucks in it gets bigger and bigger.......... In closing when will it stop? will there be a point where all the fun things in the world are being done by to many people that their is no room for newbies.. and what will they do, if there isn't fun anymore will their be a new emotion invented or past time or if i keep thinking down this thought road will i end up at the what is death and why are we here questions..... yup.... fuck.... i need to go watch porn so i dont scare myself into for ever nothing thoughts peace out boy or girl scout depending on gender

a happy place for now?